Curdled Milk

by Nicole Dollanganger

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about

first album, all recorded in my bedroom/bathroom.

credits

released July 13, 2012

written & composed by nicole dollanganger

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Nicole Dollanganger Whitchurch Stouffville, Ontario

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Track Name: Coma Baby
coma baby, with your sick head, the doctors saved you, but you’re still dead, through your scalp i would like to reach in so i could pull out the monster you’ve been

but you would do anything to destroy the body that they rescued, your sick little head, so brain damaged, lying in that hospital bed

coma baby, the cry of your bones, and your skull when it split on the road, i wish i’d find all the lonely remnants of you that left when your head cracked open

but you would do anything to destroy the body that they rescued, your sick little head, so brain damaged, lying in that hospital bed

lately i can’t recognize you, the doctors lied when they said they saved you, you’re just the shell of the boy that you’ve been, and you’re dying, i can feel it
Track Name: Holes of Albinos
collected all of the bones of the albinos, pounded them to dust and put them up their nose, used their knives to skin off the flesh from the limbs they bought, scalped all the heads then they said their blessings

they pulled all the teeth out with pliers in their mouths, they cut through the bone and left them without hands

collected all of the bones of the albinos, pounded them to dust and put it up their nose
Track Name: Blood Brothers
he took me to a motel, he put me on the bed, he cut my arm open then did the same to his, the skin parted like petals on blossoming flowers, we pressed the cuts together, became one and another

now we’re blood brothers, a part of me will always live in you, i’ll love all your demons because now they’re my demons, too

he watched all of my hair fall out, he lifted me and kissed my scalp, he said “i know you’re trying to kill yourself but i’ll never let you do it, because our bodies are one now, i’ll eat when you starve yourself, i’ll lick your wounds and kiss your mouth, i’ll take care of you forever”

now we’re blood brothers, a part of me will always live in you, i’ll love all your demons because now they’re my demons, too

we stained the sheets with cum and blood, we consummated with his gun, he said “i’ll use this to protect you from anyone who tries to hurt you”, we lay there naked on the bed, he wrapped his arm with his bandage, we watched the gauze turn blood red, “i’ll take care of you forever”
Track Name: Barren
curdled like milk in the summer heat, my skin’s gone soft, my head is spoiled, my heart’s a rabid dog trying to put its teeth in you, you thought you saw light but it was forest fires eating me alive, my limbs are dead and dry, my ribcage cradles dirt and weeds, i’m empty inside

and i will never be able to love you, i couldn’t if i tried, and i will lay down next to you, but i fear a dead body would feel warm compared to mine, cause i’m barren on the inside, i’m barren on the inside

you tried to make love to my empty womb, tried to stuff me like a doll with pieces of you, but it all seeps from my loosened seams, i took myself apart and cut off my strings, and scraped the remains from my starving bowels, collected them into garbage piles, to try in bags, sink in the lake, and bury at the bottom all my sad mistakes

cause i will never be able to love you, i couldn’t if i tried, and i will lay down next to you, but i fear a dead body would feel warm compared to mine, cause i’m barren on the inside, i’m barren on the inside
Track Name: Dog Teeth
he handed me a pair of pliers and told me to pull out his teeth, because as long as he had them he would use them to do bad things

you’re cold on the inside, there’s a dog in your heart and it tells you to tear everything apart, my body’s covered in teeth marks, your bite’s worse than your bark, you ruin everything you touch and destroy anyone you love, you’re all over me

he’d sunk his teeth into the flesh of many others, infecting them with whatever was already inside him, he’d broken all their hymens, cut them open and played inside them, he’d hollowed out their bodies so they’d feel just empty as him

you’re cold on the inside, there’s a dog in your heart and it tells you to tear everything apart, you draw blood just to taste it, you hold bones just to break them, you ruin everything you touch and destroy anyone you love, you’re all over me
Track Name: Hair Lockets
cut with dull scissors and tied with a ribbon, curated under the glass of my pendant, you always said you hated the things you can’t control, like all the wild hair that grows from your follicles

i’ve been collecting pieces of your hair, to tuck away in the locket that i wear, pretty strands that grew in your youth, pieces that i’ll always hold onto

sweeter than a vial of your blood, will never dry or disintegrate, pieces you’d tie back when we made love, now slipped away where they loyally wait

when you’re old, grey and diseased, i’ll still have parts of your young body, the one you lived in when you loved me, the rest of you now decomposing

i’ve been collecting pieces of your hair, to tuck away in the locket that i wear, pretty strands that grew in your youth, pieces that i’ll always hold onto
Track Name: Valley of the Dead
the ghost of the palliative care ward have been following me, whispering through the clear plastic lining over their dead bodies, their diapers and their feces still on the hospital sheets, they’re dead but they’re still up walking around and they say to me, “death is pretty sweet”

we’re in the valley of the dead, cremated bodies in the air, and the rotten ones underneath where we harvest the food we eat, i’m not scared of death because death’s all over me

i’ve been spending my time hanging out in hospital wards, bringing flowers and love letters to my quadriplegic baby, the ache of his colostomy bag and his blood transfusions, his medication makes him so sleepy but he still whispers to me, “death is pretty sweet”

we’re in the valley of the dead, bodies turn to liquid in the heat, the particles crawl into our pours and they soak into our wooden floors, i’m not scared of death because death’s all over me, i’m not scared of death because death’s all over me
Track Name: Ghosts
the autumn wind carries all of the ghosts, they catch on me and hide under his sheets, they make their nests in my clothing seams, possessing my bones and my being

we waited til the morning where the sun did rise, but the moon still lingered in his weary eyes, ghosts fill my head with such rotten things, and with the loneliness that the cold air brings

the room was dim so i doubt that he could see, my cold, shaking hands and my reddened cheeks, a part of me wished to crawl under his sheets but i sincerely doubted that we would sleep

so we waited til the morning where the sun did rise, but the moon still lingered in his weary eyes, betraying a good heart to satisfy mine but he’s a ghost i never thought i’d find
Track Name: Ball Jointed Doll (Harry)
tried to bend your kneecaps and they shattered, tried to move your legs but they bolted your joints together, and the more you tried, the more you knew, this had been the way they’d built you, in the body of a ball jointed doll, you’re so fragile you can’t move at all

but i just want to touch you and i promise i won’t break you, if you would be my doll just for a day, then i would put you back into, back into your case

pieced your limbs together with chalk-ware skin, painted the cupid’s bow above your lips, you’re so beautiful but so delicate, the porcelain cracks up your back and neck, in the body of a ball jointed doll, you’re so fragile you can’t move at all

but i just want to touch you and i promise i won’t break you, if you would be my doll just for a day, then i would put you back into, back into your case
Track Name: Farmer's Field
he buried me in a farmer’s field, pastors stretch for miles, and now i’m just a pile of tender teeth and bones, wrapped in the grass of window meadows
Track Name: Cries of the Elephant Man Bones
when you died i heard the cries in the night of your soul leaving the deformed flesh that shamed your mind, all of those years your bones wept, but now there is no skin left, the worms have eaten it you’re free to go

and i will take your bones and with them build a home

burdened at birth inside of a face no mother could love, she let them shame you like animal, they broke your limbs and beat in your swollen head til your neck shattered to pieces they put in the ground

and i will take your bones and with them build a home

gooble gobble gooble gobble, we accept you, we accept you, one of us, gooble gobble gooble gobble, we accept you, we accept you, one of us, gooble gobble gooble gobble, we accept you, we accept you, one of us

i hear your soft bones crying, i hear your soft bones crying, i hear your soft bones crying in the night