Flowers of Flesh and Blood

by Nicole Dollanganger

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all recorded in my bedroom/bathroom


released November 25, 2012

all songs written & composed by nicole dollanganger



all rights reserved


Nicole Dollanganger Whitchurch Stouffville, Ontario

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Track Name: Rabid
something ugly in you you also saw in me
guess we're infected with the same disease
well i could be your girl and you could be my baby
have a habit of ruining everything

we're the same, we're both rabid animals
got sick heads and minds, we were both born feral
like fields growing high, we're just those dark animals
the sad things at night, we know no control

you like to play with knives and get all cut up
had a shotgun and you sawed the barrel off
covered up in welts you say you like it rough
well no blood for you will ever be enough

you're the darkest horse that i've ever seen
of all the things you fuck i'm the most empty
and no blood for you will ever be enough
can't bury anything without digging it up
Track Name: Cement
cages and cases
of starving birds and dead things
no longer look anything like they did
when they'd been living

the things you love
you put into cement
in order to keep them
they have to be dead
you think that he's yours
but it's only in your head
his coffin is not your arms
his grave is not your bed

lockets and caskets
full of garbage and ashes
nothing but collections of nothing
you've been protecting

taking baths in concrete
harbor a love for things that don't exist
try to set into stone
but you can't
he's made of bones and flesh
Track Name: Nebraska
he came and shot her parents both in the head
dragged them outside, put the bodies in the shed
collected up her things, put them in his trunk
he sat her on his lap right next to his gun

the prairies of nebraska soaked in blood
the love made between them using his gun
and the bodies stacked in rows
the dead they will never know

showed his caril-ann how to use a knife
picked up slowly, killed with it twice
shot who they could, snapped the neck of a dog
stole a dead man's car and the engine stalled

they executed him with her name on his lips
he loved her in life just as much in death
and sometimes i feel like we're heading down the same road
sometimes i feel like we're just like them
Track Name: Adam (Reformatory)
the first hit felt like hell
but now they feel like heaven
know these fists so well
you bear the indents of them
got a broken jaw
but it feels so good you let them
they beat the shit out of you
and i'm left piecing you together

i look into your eyes but i can't find a reflection

skull fuck you cold
leave you on the floor
mouth full of blood
but still you beg for more
all busted up
lips wired shut
i know you less now
than i did before

i look into your eyes but i can't find a reflection

past these fences fields stretch for miles
you don't see them anymore, you don't even try
Track Name: Adam II (Infirmary)
like to keep me so sick
just to mend me a little bit
lips of sewage
you know that i've gone septic

and i don't want to get better
no i just want to be in your arms

keep in a hospital bed
sigh over me, my angel of death
hook me up to machines
have them all
breathe for me

drift in saline highs
cold and sterilized
wrapped in wet white sheets
pale and shivering
and my head is getting heavy
and i just want to be in your arms
Track Name: Phantom Pains
you're the phantom pains
the ache that won't go away
never had you so how did i lose you?
i already felt you before i even knew you

i know it's just the remnants
i'm only feeling hand prints
of your past aggressions
i'm just playing with your shadow

you're the phantom limbs
a ghost hanging off of my skin
i could reach out and touch you i swear
but you're not really there

you're the legs hurt
when they aren't there at all
you're the broken bones
and the bleeding nose
just the marks of a ghost

i know you're just my phantom pains
you're the ache that won't go away
and we'll never be close enough to know
what a waste
Track Name: Lividity
find no love in flesh but only weapons
the ones that do the most damage
there is no peace in life, but only death

if i believe good wombs have borne bad sons
then i have no qualms using my gun
i only love the things that i can hurt

taking baths in all of the bloodshed
from the shots i put into your head
i'll shoot and break my nose from the blow

what doesn't kill me makes me wish i was dead
Track Name: Fleurs Captives
press you in the pages of a hardcover book to dry like flowers and weeds
peel your petals off and slowly pull them apart to wrap in my bed sheets
to take you with me while i drift off to sleep and assemble you inside of my dreams
on a soiled mattress we drift to the attic where the dust collects on your long eyelashes

they open up the window and stand in the sunshine
but you hide in the shadows cause the light goes right through you
you're a ghost, you're a ghost, you're a ghost, you're a ghost of my mind

we hide in the places where mice make their holes
our skin getting cold under moth eaten clothes
i feel my lips turn blue, i'd do anything to be held by you through the night
the doors are all closed, we peer through key holes
tucked away in a place where flowers can't grow
your skin turns to dust in my hands and i'm left holding onto a pile of sand
Track Name: Danny
split his ribs open using my bare hands but i could not repair all of the damage
built of milk and flesh so meek and mild but i know
if he'd lived he'd have grown to be wild

they broke him and they beat him
and break he did
they took him from me, my baby
and break he did

his skin went white as chalk, his limbs turned soft and limp
i cradled him through those moments of weakness
and watched him drift between the worlds of living and dead
until he sunk down into the pavement

they broke him and they beat him
and break he did
they took him from me, my baby
and break he did
and he laid there for days
in the cold and the wind
but i could not breathe life back in
i tried to fill up his lungs with the air from my own
but he did not wake up again
no he didn't

split his ribs open using my bare hands but i could not repair all of the damage
Track Name: Flowers of Flesh and Blood
legs and limbs and lips
all open with your fingertips
you make holes in me
and little slits
you use as mouths
for you to kiss

close my plastic eyelids
you say this is the love we all hope to find
so don't cry, don't worry
you're supposed to bleed the first time

the books, sad songs, and cinemas
they all lied lied lied
why didn't anyone tell me
love is like being fucked with a knife?

with the blade on a butterfly
i'll make a hole in you
i will kiss it and stick my tongue in it
hard enough for you
to feel it in your stomach
i'll fist it with knuckles full of rings
give you back the love you said was mine
so don't cry, don't worry
you're supposed to bleed the first time